My Fairy Tale on Crack: The Story of Katie Bell
by Sarak
Summary: Life from Katie's point of view. Including dating fiascos, an archrival, evil goons,pranks gone wild,Cantankerous Caretakers, and obsessed cats.
1. My Fairy Tale on Crack

**Disclaimer: **_I only wish I was cool enough to own Katie Bell…_

**Chapter 1- Fairytale on Crack **

I am, most unfortunately, stuck in a fairy tale. Well I think it's a fairy tale, but I highly doubt anybody would call it that. However, I have undeniable proof. I can, in fact, prove, with very few doubts, that my life is like a fairy tale. Well a slightly messed up and strange fairy tale, but nonetheless, it's the kinda story you tell your kids someday, or even your grandkids. My fairy tale has a great cast of characters that are commonly found in most bedtime stories. And the best part is…well they are all real people. But that might actually be kinda scary for some people.

Well every story need to have that mysterious-old-guy-who's-off-the-wall-comments-leave-you-in-wonder-until-they-finally-make-sense-after-said-event-has-occurred. Now that title is a bit too long to incorporate into a fairy tale, so in most stories he is the town nutcase, or old wizard. In my fairy tale, Albus Dumbledore takes the cake in this department. Throw wizened grandfatherly dude into the mix, shake well, and you have this guy pegged. And he can be oober creepy when he wants to be! It's like he knows everything. I "accidentally" went into the Hog's Head one time in third year and the next day I get called into his office to explain why a thirteen year old girl was in a pub grilling the bartender about how fire whiskey tastes. He wasn't very happy when I told him that I was just curious. He gave me the same old "why-don't-you-try-harder" speech, which I have memorized by the way. _"Oh Miss Bell… (Insert overdramatic sigh here) I had so hoped that you would not be so easily corrupted by the Weasley twins. You have such potential; it is a shame to waste it on less than scholarly pursuits. If you would but exercise a little more caution and restraint you would do marvelous." _Eat me; I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard that same speech since I was a first year. And you probably don't want to know how many times either. I swear that he is tougher on me than everybody else. I have a strong suspicion that he is holding a grudge. Geez! You steal a guy's lemon drops one time and he's disapproving for life. The squid didn't even like the stupid things anyways.

All fairy tales need a wicked witch of the West. Or maybe it's just the Wizard of Oz that needs a wicked witch of the West, but my story has one anyways. However, my wicked witch isn't so much evil as she is pushy, stern and terribly out of touch with the latest hair trends. She is the one… the only… Minerva McGonagall. The single worst person in my life. The wicked witch role used to be played by my mother, but McGonagall took center stage after my mum died. But McGonagall is even worse than my mom was as the wicked witch. It's probably because McGonagall has vital contact with my father, who, no joke, married her cousin's niece's sister-in-law's next door neighbor's room mate, who was better known as Kathryn Bell, my mother. I guess that makes me some what related to the big McG in someway… Scary huh? But really, the big McG and my dad go way back. Back to the middle ages of Hogwarts or something. It was some freak incident involving a nerf gun, toothpaste, a bewitched crown, a girl named Jocelyn and some kid named Andy. Evidently Jocelyn and Andy didn't like each other, but according to legend they ended up married… Weird huh? But anyways, my dad was caught in the crossfire and McGonagall had an amazing save. So ever since I started Hogwarts, the ol' witch has ratted me out, well threatened to rat me out. But come on! You can only rephrase _"Miss Bell_ _if you put one more toe out of line, I will be forced to owl your father." _so many times. Besides, it's highly unlikely that my deal ol' dad would remember, or take enough time off work to really care. So maybe McGonagall isn't so bad, or evil/wicked after all. It seems a bit strange, but I think she has kinda taken me under her wing. Nothing that would be noticeable favoritism, just a discreet smile, or the anonymous milk and cookies when… Oh! And that note telling me that I could always stop in for a chat. She really is a nice ol' bird… er… when I said bird I totally meant cat. She could even be my fairy godmother now that I think about it. Dang! Now I'll need to find a new wicked witch.

Of course, no fairy tale, or story for that matter, is complete without some sort of evil bad guy, arch-rival, nemesis, self-proclaimed-enemy, or just mean jerk. Now, I do know a lot of mean jerks from numerous dating experiences… but one guy really takes the cake. Cormac McLaggen is king of the mean jerk department, but in the end, he's really only a mean jerk. And a mean jerk is nowhere near as evil as my archrival Janice Nair. She is the meanest, rudest, most unfeeling girl on this side of the Atlantic. But even worse than her is Marcus-Grotesque-Flint. It's a pretty long story, but we'll leave it at the whole mutual hate thing. And finally, we have the dark overlord of them all. The Darth Vader of Hogwarts. The man that has made my life a miserable rats nest since the moment I stepped foot into his classroom. He just really doesn't like me. He is the one, the only Professor Slimy Git Snake, err… I mean Professor Severus Snape. But seriously, the guy is out to get me, I swear! He hates me, and it's not just the whole Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry thing either. It's actually the combination of that and two other things. Slimy Git Snake thinks that I was behind this rather stupid and dumb prank in my first year, but I totally was framed. Like I would seriously leave evidence or sink that low. I bet it was Janice. Well after that he just kind of hated me. But he really started loathing me after I discovered that I rock at Potions. And I really do rock at Potions. On my OWLs, I got the highest score since Nicholas Flamel retook his OWLs at age 367, I beat out the previous record holder from 1976 by 3 points. Guess who the previous record holder was? I'll give you three guess, but you should only need one. Snape was livid and I was laughing my head off. So Slimy Git Snake is pure evil and since no evil is complete without henchmen- pretty much the whole Slytherin House (a.k.a. the Slime Followers) hates me.

The part of annoying talking animal has already been taken by the resident psychotic cat. Ok, so I admit, Mrs. Norris can't really talk, but if looks could kill, then three-fourths of Hogwarts would be dead. Unfortunately, I am not included in that three-fourths, because I have the perpetual doom of Mrs. Norris actually liking me. I really don't get it. I'm not even a cat person. I'm not even a pet person, my fish all died. And if by some chance I ever did get a pet, I would totally get a dog, mainly because I'm not allergic to dogs, and cats are stuck up. Having Mrs. Norris liking me isn't a horrible fate, because it does give me free license to sneak around without her running to Filch on me. But I think I would rather have her running to Filch. Late night reconnaissance missions to the kitchen for jelly doughnuts and grape soda just aren't the same when you're sneezing to death as a huge cat tries to rub up against your legs knocking you down the stairs, and into a pile of Peeves' dungbombs.

Sorry to say, you can't have the psychotic cat without the Cantankerous Caretaker, or the beloved Mr. A. Filch. He seems to be under the impression that I am harboring some evil spell on my person that attracts cats. So I get the nastiest Filch glare possible when I walk past him in the hallway. And I'm not one to refuse a good staring contest, so I glare back. That seems to make our adored caretaker like me all the more, as he has resorted to giving me detention every time Mrs. Norris even glances in my direction. It's actually pretty hilarious when Filch finds Mrs. Norris tailing me on one of my late night escapades. First he flips out, and tries to shoo her away, but that never works, because evidently, I am much more appealing than Filch. So Filch whips out his stash of Magical Catnip (which I think he is secretly addicted to) and lures her away. In all the hullabaloo he doesn't even remember to give me detention for being out after hours, but simply resorts to carrying around Mrs. Norris for the next several days while avoiding me like the plague. I actually find the whole situation with Filch as hilarious, but most others tend to think of him as a sadistic evil goon. I think he's really just misunderstood with more than a few eccentric oddities, just a funny old man when you come down to it. He serves his roll as Cantankerous Caretaker with utmost enthusiasm and perfection, even if the Twins personally think that he would be better suited under the roll of evil goon.

With the spot of Cantankerous Caretaker already taken, Hagrid is left to fill the role of loveable giant, well loveable giant who has a passion for dangerous creatures. I almost got eaten by a spider when Rave and I followed him into the Forbidden Forest one night. The sad part was that everyone thought we were making it up until I told the story to Ron Weasley one night after a rather boisterous Quidditch party in my fourth year. The kid just got pale, and walked away mumbling something about crazy giants and following the spiders. Me and Skrewts aren't a good idea either actually. Come to think of it, me and every creature that Hagrid has ever taken a liking to just don't get along. With the exception of Fang, Fang and I understand each other. We're both cowards and scared of the dark.

But if you want my honest opinion, then Hagrid doesn't even rank on my list of top two most dangerous people in the world. That particular honor is reserved for the Weasley Twins, who function nicely as the Willy Wonkas of my fairy tale. However, their inventions usually don't have anything to do with chocolate to my disappointment. It's usually something to get us out of Quidditch Practice with Wood, or to get us in trouble with the Slytherins. Not that I really object to either one. Who doesn't want to get away from a Quidditch crazed dictator who has taken just one too many balls to the head? And I am a known troublemaker with a strong thirst for mischief with a hint of revenge. It's not my fault that troublemaker, mischief and revenge just happen to spell out 'Pranking the Slytherins', besides, I've got Fred and George to take the fall, so it's all good. Every fairy tale is entitled to a bit of mischief and revenge, right?

As in every decent fairy tale, the main character usually has some friends…. Great friends actually. Kinda like the talking mice from Cinderella now that I think about it. However, it's not really easy for me to tell you who is my resident best friend. Since I was about two it's been Cho and Abs, but that sorta dissolved when we hit Hogwarts and puberty. Then Ang and Ali adopted me in my awkward no friends stage. But I guess I am probably closest to Nat, Aer, and Gwen. Don't get me wrong, I am still really good friends with Ang, Ali, Abs and Cho, but after living in the same room as someone, you usually end up pretty close. But as for best friend, I'm pretty sure Rafe would have to take the cake for that. Me and Pip are pretty close too, and Luke isn't so bad when he's not around Mean Jerk McLaggen. But I as far as my guy friends go, the Twins and I have a pretty tight bond, it started about the moment I told them that I aspired to be a prankster, it was basically love from first sight. But the Twins aren't really the kinda guys that you can tell secrets to, or talk about stuff with. That's where Rafe came in. I'm not sure how we ended up friends, but he's like a brother, well more than a brother. A brother who is also a best friend, if that ever happens. Because let me tell yah, I am not best friends with my brothers, but that could be do the fact that they are twelve years older than me and have always been over-protective gits. I'm told that the over-protective-ness is just their unique way of showing that they care, but I think it's just a way for them to make sure that their baby sister never has a decent date in her life.

Of course, if I have to have the dumb brothers, then I at least deserve the hot older guy of the story, right? Well if you said no then I hate you. Prepare to die. But as far as hot older guys go, I definitely like Charlie Weasley. Now I'll have you know that I have only met the guy once, and he doesn't even know my name. But that doesn't mean that I can't dream about him right? If he was any hotter, he'd be on fire. But basically that is a fantasy, a nice day dream that I save for History of Magic. Lucky for me, I am surrounded by hot dense guys that have no clue that I am alive. Well Oliver knows that I am alive, but he's a Quidditch maniac and just sees me as a way to win the cup. It also doesn't help that I am completely clueless when it comes to having a good relationship with a guy in anything other than a 'just friends' kinda way. It also doesn't help that I have disastrous first dates, on account of my older brothers following me around and messing everything up. Let's just say that I am still waiting to find a nice toad to kiss and turn into Prince Charming.

Harry Potter is undoubtedly the knight-in-shining-armor. Don't ask me why, but it just seems to me that Harry always ends up saving the day. Some weird hero complex…maybe he was bullied a lot as a child? But I sincerely doubt he'll save me and then I'll fall in love with him and live happily ever after like in the movies, but it's worth a shot. Besides, the kid's saved me twice already, even if he doesn't think that saving someone from falling down the stairs counts as life-saving. So I think that since he's already saved me twice already, his chances of saving me again are pretty good. And third time is the charm… Maybe he'll really save my life one of these days.

So basically that leaves me with the only open roll. The Damsel in Distress. Oh Merlin… who in their right mind would call me a Damsel? The in distress part I can understand, but damsel is a bit much, even for me, and I am a chronic over-exaggerator. It's a very serious condition that is only afflicted on girls like me. Anyways, there you have it. That's my fairy tale…If you can even call it that. Because I am pretty sure that Harry won't be my hero, I won't fall in love with Prince Charming, and I'm pretty sure that no amount of magic will make me fall in love with 'Happily Ever After'. Plus there is the minor problem with the bad guys majorly outnumbering the good guys. And I don't know about you, but that just doesn't bode well for a good outcome to me. So that's it. My fairy tale. Or better yet… my fairy tale on crack.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I've had this story in my head for a long time. It's really fun to write, which is probably the main reason it is being written. The format will be kind of sporadic. It will be Katie Bell talking about her life. It won't necessarily be in any chronological order, just memories of things that have happened to her, or things that are happening at the moment. She'll have a lot of flashbacks, so if you aren't a flashback fan then this isn't the story for you. Katie has had a lot of undocumented exploits over the years that are just waiting to be revealed. She'll realize some good life lessons along the way and date more than a few losers. Maybe she'll end up with the right guy by the end? And don't worry… it won't be Harry… or Filch.

Much Love!

-Sarak


	2. Once upon a Time

**Disclaimer: **_My only claim to fame is survivng a heat wave, not owning Harry Potter and _ _Co._

Chapter 2

Once upon a time…

Well everyone knows the basic plot of a fairy tale. And if you are one of those deprived children we call losers that don't know the basic plot of a fairy tale, well, then you have my sympathy. (Yes, I, Katie Bell, can be sympathetic.) But back to basic fairy tale plots. So you always start off with the 'Once upon a time' thing. If you don't have once upon a time, then it can't be a fairy tale- plain and simple, and there are no exceptions. After the once upon a time thing comes the interesting part. This is where you find the princesses with shoe fetishes, the girl who likes short people and dying, the cute guy with the hot horse…err…hot guy with the cute horse, the dragons and their slayers, the wand wavers, Batman, the wicked witch with a frying pan, the fat kids that eat too much, the talking cookies, the cow that jumped over the moon, the wolf that eats old people and kids in red capes, and pretty much everything else Grimm. You get it… the whole shebang is in the middle part. Then comes the sweet romantic part that makes you want to gag, mainly known as 'happily ever after.' Yes… the girl with the shoe fetish kisses the hot guy with the cute horse; they get married, have a billion kids, and live happily ever after. But what happens after 'happily ever after'?

You can't honestly expect me to believe that anybody that has a billion kids doesn't have any more problems. I mean, look at the lady that lived in a shoe. She had a ton of kids, but she lived in a stupid old shoe, I'm positive that she didn't live happily ever after. And those cute little babies that people who live 'happily ever after' grow up to be mean nasty teenagers with problems. I bet Cinderella's kids were spoiled brats, and that's sure to cause some problems in later life. And you can't tell me that somebody doesn't die. Because everybody has to die sometime. So what is Cinderella going to do when Prince Charming dies, and she's forced back into slavery?

I asked my mum this once and she proceeded to tell me that Cinderella just hired a house elf. Of course, I know that is just a bunch of baloney. If people in Cinderella's story could hire house elves, then Cinderella wouldn't have had to clean everything and befriend mice, but that's just a thought. Instead she could have just been lower class, and made fun of all the time for having ratty clothes, but that doesn't make for a very good story. That's probably why you never hear that side of it. But all the same, even I, the relentless doubter, can't deny that the girl with the shoe fetish got to live 'happily ever after', even if it was short lived and kind of fake. Well a lot fake, but we won't go into that. Instead…we can start talking about my 'once upon a time.'

Yes, hard to believe, but since this is a fairy tale, I have to have a 'once upon a time'… every fairy tale does, it's in the unwritten rules of fairy tales rulebook. Just look it up if you don't believe me. Unfortunately, my 'once upon a time' is kind of vague. Because I guess I just don't really know where to begin. Do I begin before my beginning? (This would be sometime after my parent's 'happily ever after' and close to the middle of the interesting part in my brother's lives.) Or do I start right when I started? Or maybe I should start at Hogwarts and then sort of flash back to relevant events before Hogwarts. Or maybe, I could just start it five minutes before I started talking, and then I could be done. Granted, it would be pretty boring, because then I wouldn't really have the interesting part with the hot guy, or the happily ever after. But I still maintain that the happily ever after thing and I are just not going to happen together. I think I'm doomed to end up as the crazy cat lady with a little bit of a shoe fetish. It'll be a tragic end… but I could always pretend that I had a knight in shining armor, and that he looked suspiciously like Harrison Ford, and had a cool theme song for every time he walked into a room, or even smiled. But that's a bit unrealistic, because if I am not cool enough to have a theme song every time I walk into a room, then no way does my knight in shining armor get to be cooler than me and get his own theme song. I refuse to be second to some dumb boy. But that kind of reasoning is probably why I am currently without the Prince Charming by my side, or so Cho and Abs tell me. But I can't even tell you about Prince Charming if I don't start the fairy tale, so here goes nothing.

Once upon a time…

In a galaxy far, far away…. Geez, who am I kidding? No way do I get to live in a galaxy far, far away and travel the universe looking for bad guys with a sword made from light that happens to be lethal. Girls like me don't get cool occupations like that. No we get stuck with some dumb job like… Healing, or raising kids or something. And no way would my parents ever let me near something that's even the slightest bit lethal. I have trouble walking up and down the stairs and crossing the street. I don't think me and light saber would get along very well.

So anyways, once upon a time, there lived my parents, who have pretty bizarre first names. My mom's name is understandable, since she has a crazy Aunt Del that no one likes to argue with. Her word is pretty much law in my family. She decreed that my mother would be called Addisiladoras. I personally think that it sounds kind of like somebody saying 'Add is silly dorkas' when they are sneezing, but no one believes me when I say that that's how Auntie Del came up with the name. They all maintain that it's some sort of predestined fate that my mother has such a unique name. (My mum's family is very into Divination) Little do they know that she went by Addi all through school, and rejected her name that was predestined by the aligning of Venus and Uranus.

Unfortunately, my dad's name doesn't have some crazy aunty that pretends to see the future behind it. His is just my grandpa Georegiee not knowing how to spell. He says that he was distracted, but he's just oblivious to the truth. He has a spelling problem, but it's not a big thing. It's totally genetic. I mean who in their right mind names their kid Georegiee? (I personally think that my great-grandfather was trying to spell George, but nobody seems to take me seriously when I suggest this.) Plus my dad and I can't spell either. Unfortunately, my brothers can and make fun of me all the time for not knowing hot to spell ketchup. Can you really blame me for spelling it catchup? So I maintain that bad spelling genes are a sign of genius. It must be true, since my brothers can spell and they are idiots. But anyways… my dad's name is Eddilwimmer. A bit of a mouthful for a shrimpy little kid. So he was called Eddy, and that was that was that.

Well as so happens, my parents are what I like to call planning people. Everything has a Plan with a capitol 'P', and if it's not in the plan…well then tough luck, it's not happening. I am not a big fan of the plan, because I was not part of the plan. And we all know how unacceptable that is. But I'm getting ahead of myself, because first I must tell you about the brothers Bell. My parents plan was pretty simple at first. Get a good job, get married and have two, count them two, kids. Well their plan went off without a hitch… Well mostly without a hitch. Grandpa Georegiee and crazy Aunt Del decided that they hated each other, and that led to a few problems. But nothing that was too horrible, unless you count blowing up the wedding cake in retaliation for being labeled as 'spawn of Satan' as something horrible. I personally find the picture of Aunt Del running around with a rubber chicken and chasing my Grandpa Georegiee who is covered in wedding cake with my mother crying in the background, a very humorous picture.

But back to the plan. My parents decided right after the wedding fiasco that they were going to have two kids. So it was perfect when they found out they were expecting twins, twin boys… soon to become the brothers Bell. The brothers Bell that would mean my life long doom of having two overprotective brothers.

I'll give you a little lowdown on my brothers. Thomas Henry Bell was born on Thursday, September 12 at 11:57 at night. Four minutes later, my lucky brother Brody James Bell was born on Friday the Thirteenth at 12:01 in the morning. So even though my brothers are identical twins, they managed to have different birthdays. But they like it because it means two solid days of partying instead of just one. Unfortunately, my parents forgot one tiny detail. No one thought to ask Aunt Del about naming my brothers. Their names are totally, 100 picked by just my parents with no thought to include crazy aunts with imagined foresight involved. That's basically a recipe for disaster.

Aunt Del, who is a rather feisty old lady if I do say, so myself, marched right on down to the hospital the day my brothers were born. She took one look at my brothers, looked my mother in the eye and said no. She told my mother that she absolutely would not call Thomas by his real name. She even refused to speak it. Evidently, the name Thomas is just plain evil. I guess Aunt Del once had a wretched boyfriend named Thomas and has since refused to utter the wicked word. You know, I am a big fan of avoiding all things to do with ex-boyfriends for all eternity, but I've never gone so far as to completely eliminate a word from my vocabulary. Aunt Del is so much more hard core than me.

_**Flashback**_

"_Addy! I simply cannot let that boy go by that wretched name. You must change it." Del commanded my mother, who was near tears. _

"_B..But it's too late! We can't change it now! Why didn't you ever say something before?" My mother asked my aunt. _

"_Well you never told me that you were going to name it after that abominable creature." Aunt Del scowled at the mere memory of the man, meanwhile my father was getting exasperated. _

"_I object to you calling Thomas an 'it'. He has a name." My dad said sternly, glaring right back at Aunt Del who gasped. _

"_Wash your filthy mouth out right now! I will not have you saying that word around impressionable ears." Del stood to her full height and then stood on her tiptoes to look my father in the eye. _

"_Well it's his name; he's going to have to hear it some time!" _

"_Just call him something else. Why not Chuck or something sensible?" _

"_No. His name is Thomas!" My dad said as my aunt shuddered at the word. _

"_Mark my words! If you name him that then he will turn into an evil controlling dark lord." Del said, and my mother but her head in her hands. _

"_Eddy, I don't want my son turning into the next dark lord." She said, and my dad shook his head. My Aunt Del had a slight affinity for predicting the future or at least the future as far as dark lords are concerned, and every time she had said someone would turn out evil, they had. So naturally my mother had a right to be concerned about her son turning into the next You-Know-Who. My dad had always thought that divination was a load of crap and proceeded to tell my mother that. _

"_Come on Addy! You can't honestly believe that a tiny toddler will turn into a dark lord just because his name is Thomas." This statement proceeded to tick off my aunt Del who huffed at my father. It's not really a good idea to tick off a stubborn old lady. They have connections…_

"_Fine then! I refuse to visit you, and your pathetically named son. Have fun raising the spawn of Satan!" My aunt yelled heading for the door. _

"_Well good! I never liked you visiting anyways!" My dad yelled after her as my mother burst into tears. My dad is pretty stubborn himself, even if he grew up with a spineless name. _

"_Eddy, Aunt Del is my only aunt left! Who will look after her if I can't? And I don't want Thomas to turn into the spawn of Satan!" My mother wailed pathetically, before bursting out into inconsolable tears. And then, according to Bell Family Legend, my dad sighed heavily before running out the door and getting lost in the hospital trying to find my great aunt. He eventually caught up with her in a renovated church in downtown London, where Aunt was preaching to a bunch of unsuspecting Lutherans about the grievous sin of naming your son Thomas. My dad then threw her over her shoulder and carried her back to the hospital, where they sat down to glare at each other while my mom fretted about her first born son growing up nameless. After a three hour staring contest, Auntie Del won and Dad gave her creative control over Thomas's name. Auntie Del looked out the window and saw the church that my dad had carried her out of earlier. Turning her nose up, my aunt walked out of the room. She paused at the doorway to glare back at my father. _

"_His name shall be Church." She said and walked out the door. My dad buried his head in his hands, and my mother burst out laughing. _

"_The poor kid, he'll be teased so much." She said, tears of mirth falling down her face. My dad shook his head and started chuckling as well. _

"_At least he'll have an interesting story for when people ask him why his parents named him Church Bell." _

_**End flashback**_

****

So the 'spawn of Satan' became something that is very much the opposite of Satan, and he didn't grow up to be an evil controlling dark lord. Well not yet anyway, and it he's controlling, well then it's only of my pathetic love life that doesn't need anymore restrictions on it than it already has. However, letting Aunt Del name one of my brothers was not a wise move on my father's part. Grandpa Georegiee was enraged, which is kind of hard to imagine as he's a cute teddy bear of an old man, but I suppose anything is possible. Grandpa Georegiee absolutely refused to let 'that loony hair-brained psychopathic seer' name any of his grandchildren. But my parents didn't really have any other options. They couldn't just un-name Church, now that he had been called that for a whole week, and my mother was frightened to death of him turning into a dark lord if they went back to his old name.

Eventually, it was decided that Grandpa Georegiee could name Brody, if he would stop if feud with Aunt Del. He agreed, but the feud has never really stopped, and I doubt it ever will. Now it's just a lot of undercover feuding, instead of out in the open. But my parents thought poor Brody was doomed. My father had, after all, ended up with a name that wasn't forged from the cream of the crop. But Gramps came through after all. He came up with a good, yet reliable nickname that truly fits my brother. Jericho. Yes as in the 'walls come tumbling down' Jericho. But once you think about it, it's actually a pretty good name. I've never ever heard somebody else with the same name, so Jericho wasn't subject to any preconceived notions about his name. However, he does have a passion for tumbling down, err… falling down. But that just made his name fit him all the more. Before they knew it, my parents found themselves glad that their children hadn't ended up with their planned names. But I doubt Aunt Del and Grandpa Georegiee will ever know that. Nobody likes to admit that senile old folks can name kids.

But anyways, my parents how had their perfect little planned life. Two slightly unpredictable yet still charming boys, a quaint house in Hogsmeade and well-paying jobs. Life was going according to plan. Before they could snap their fingers, little Church and Jericho were off to Hogwarts, leaving my enthusiastic parents with an almost empty nest. I guess it doesn't count as empty when the kids come back to the nest for three months out of the year. But then I happened. I was the unplanned little bundle of terror and joy that had never been close to being part of the plan. Children did not just happen like this. They were supposed to be planned for, with names picked out, a baby room ready and extra diapers waiting. They certainly weren't supposed to happen at age 38. My parents were beyond shock. I only wish I could've seen their faces…

My parents finally wised up and asked dear old Aunt Del what my name should be. She into a deep trance and her eyes glazed over and she told them that I would be eternally known as Kathryn. But my mum had her heart set on Mindelyn no matter what Aunt Del said. My dad said he wanted to call me Jenny, and my brothers vowed to call me Mistake. So for the first year of my life I was called Kathryn, Mindelyn, Jenny and Mistake. It's a wonder that I don't have multiple personalities after that. Talk about an identity crisis. However, neither of my parents were very fond of Mistake. I am told that I was a horrible child in all honesty by my brothers. Everyone else always tells me that I was a sweet little girl, but my brothers' story fits better.

I was horrible little sister, but I blame that on how I knew that my brothers would ruin my love life once I was older. I cried steadily from 5-9 every night until I was about six months old. Nothing would make me shut up. Eventually Jericho got the bright idea of using duct tape in an effort to try to keep me from wailing. I bit him instead. From that point on, I became an eager beaver. I bit anyone and everyone, and took particular delight in pinching my older brothers. This just lead to them calling me Mistake more and more. As I approached my terrible twos, I got more devious and adventurous. This was about the time when I started to learn my two favorite words. No and Plan. I got in loads of mischief. I stole my dad's wand and coated the kitchen with bubblegum which wasn't part of the plan, flushed our pet owl down the toilet- a big no-no, "accidentally" pulled off the neighbor's cat's tail because it made me sneeze- again a big no-no, and then I stole Church's broom and flew up into a tree and threw apples at anyone who tried to retrieve me-that time I got the not part of the plan and the no-no speech.

It didn't take my mother long to figure out that Mindelyn wasn't very easy to yell, and that it was too long to work productively. My dad eventually gave up on Jenny, as no one sided with him in the whole naming issue. So they were left with Kathryn or Mistake, for a lack of better choices. My parents stuck with Kathryn until one day when I was about three I introduced myself as Mistake to some strangers. My mum about fainted. From that day on my parents decided to call me Kates, which evolved into Katie when I reached Kindergarten. Since then I've been Katie Bell, the renowned chaser and dweeby little sister.

But I suppose my story really started one lonely night of my first year. Up to that point, my two best friends had always been Emery 'Abs' Abbot and Cho Chang. But the 'trouble trio' as our parents had taken to calling us, pretty much dissipated when we got to Hogwarts. We went into separate houses, got new friends, and generally fell apart. The first week was pretty lonely, I was still mourning the loss of my two best friends, and the other girls in my dorm seemed a bit too girly for my taste. The boys were alright to hang out with, but nothing had really clicked yet. Then Fred and George 'discovered' me. They say that they discovered my inner marauder, but I just say they uncovered my trouble streak that has followed me around like the plague since I was two. Anyways, the duo took me under their wing as a fellow mischief maker in my first year. I was the dutiful researcher. And when Fred and George suggested some crazy idea, I always ended up finding a way for it to happen. We have a silent agreement for no one to ever find out my part in the pranks. It is most vital that this information doesn't get leaked to someone and destroys my portrayal of a good girl that follows the rules. One person found out, but I don't even know how. I'm positive that Dumbledore knows, because every time the Weasley twins pull a prank, I get called up to his office to talk about my troublemaking spirit. Fred, George, and I have had many discussions with theories about how the deranged old man might have found out about our secret escapades, but each one is as unlikely as the next. It's just impossible for him to know, because we formed a secret pact while we were hiding from Filch in a mysterious broom closet way back on a lonely night in my first year.

_**Flashback **_

_I was running down the hallway, briefly stopping to admire the tapestry of some barmy old troll named Barnabas. I would have to give it a closer expectation later, but for now I was on the move. However my move didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. This was the third time I had run past barmy Barnabas and I was getting worried. It wasn't really my fault that I was in the middle of a frantic chase anyways. I had merely stumbled onto Fred and George's plan of stealing all the candles on the seventh floor and replacing them with butter and cheese. I was naturally enlisted to help. However, Filch found us out, and we were on a mad chase to the death to try and hide from him. Well, I was on a mad chase to death, the Weasley twins were just along for the ride. They didn't care about another detention. I was just about to round the corner when George stopped me. _

"_Katie! Have you ever seen this door before?" George and I stopped to look at the door, which I was positive had not been there the other two times we had been down this hallway. Our thoughtful evaluation was interrupted by the not so docile tones of Filch shouting down the hall. _

"_I'll get you! You filthy rotten kids! I'll show you! No one pulls one over on me and gets away with it! I'll hang you until eyeballs dry out!" My eyes got wide at the thought. No matter how many times the twins told me that they had never hung from their ankles in Filch's dungeon, I still didn't believe them. _

"_Quick! Get inside! Filch!" Fred said, shoving me and George into the closet just in the nick of time. I held my breath as footsteps echoed down the hall. _

"_C'mon my sweet! They have to be here somewhere! They can't have gotten far!" The footsteps walked away, along with the twinkling bell on Mrs. Norris's collar. I burst into the giggles I just realized that I had been holding. _

"_I…think…Filch…has… a thing for…Mrs. Norris." I said between giggles. Fred and George exchanged a glace and nodded. _

"_Katekins, We, Fred and George, take you into out confidence-" _

"_You must utter nothing you hear here ever again, or we'll frame you-" _

"_And hand you over to Filch." _

"_It won't be pretty." _

"_But what we have to tell you is truly-"_

"_The funniest thing we've ever heard."_

"_Last year, when we were but innocent little first years like yourself," _

"_Yeah right." I snorted and Fred gave me a look. I sighed. "Okay, okay, continue." _

"_Well anyways, we were outside Filch's office preparing to set off an innocent dung bomb just to see how the guy would react." _

"_But we heard him talking, so naturally we had to listen in." George paused for dramatic effect. _

"_Yes?" I leaned in, curious by now. _

"_Well he was talking to Mrs. Norris." Fred explained and I rolled my eyes. _

"_So? That's nothing new-" George held up a hand to stop me. _

"_That's not all." The twins paused again and exchanged a horrified shudder. _

"_What?" _

"_He was reading her a love letter!" I snorted again, I couldn't help it. It was too damn funny. _

"_What…What did it say?" I asked between snorting and laughing. _

"_My sweet, dearest Mrs. Norris," Fred imitated Filch with an uncanny perfection. "If only you were human, or I, the perfect male cat. Then my life would be fulfilled. Oh my sweet Mrs. Norrisypoo! Oh how I die to love you!" The three of us shared a good laugh, over the crazy old janitor. Fred and George shared another look, and then looked at me again with a calculating eye. _

"_Katie, we need your help." George said seriously. _

"_With what?" I raised an eyebrow…anything the Weasley twins needed help with couldn't be good. _

"_This." Fred took out an old piece of parchment out of his robe and handed it to me. _

"_What is it?" I asked turning it over, there was nothing written on it. _

"_That's where we need your help." _

"_We think it's a map." Fred said solemnly. _

"_Why would you think that?" I asked, raising my eyebrow again, a gesture I had down to perfection by now. _

"_Well we swiped it out of a file cabinet that said 'confiscated and highly dangerous'." George explained. I turned the paper over again in my hands, looking for some sort of clue as to how they would know it is a map. _

"_Oh yeah, let me guess… The map is invisible right?" I said sarcastically, but found the two nodding at me. _

"_We think there must be a password or something." George said. I rolled my eyes. _

"_Oh yeah right! Like you can seriously just tap it and say some dumb phrase like 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good and' and then expect it to turn into a map! It's ludicrous guys." I looked at them to find that they were no longer paying attention to me. _

"_Oh, fine! Ignore me then! " I huffed. _

"_No, Katie, look!" They pointed, still entranced by the paper. I looked down at the parchment to find black lines blossoming from where my wand had touched the paper. Words formed silently across the page in an emerald green ink. I gasped. _

_**Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs **_

_**Proudly Present**_

_**The Marauder's Map**_

_**End Flashback**_

****

Well after discovering a secret map of Hogwarts in a broom closet, there's no way you can't end up partners-in-crime, let along friends. But I was still craving for a girl to talk to. A girl that didn't obsess over how cute Cedric Diggory was every second of everyday. That's where Angie and Ali come in, well they came in on accident. It's all thanks to Angie and Ali's roommate, Tracey Davis. Her brother may be hot, but I swear, she is way too girly and her laugh is way too annoying….which is why Angie and Ali rushed into my room that fateful morning.

_**Flashback **_

_"Quick, shut the door before she sees us!" The tall girl said, while the shorter shut it and locked it tightly. _

_"Whew, that was close." The shorter of the two girls said, leaning against the door and slumping to the floor. The taller girl followed suit. That was when the spotted me and quickly jumped to their feet. _

_"Oh, sorry, we didn't know anybody was in here." _

_"Yeah, but we had to get away from Tracey or there was going to be some serious bloodshed." I laughed. _

_"Tracey…She's the prissy girl with the big hair that freaked out at dinner last night, right?" I asked, and the two girls laughed. _

_"Yep, you've got her pegged." The tall girl said. "I'm Angelina Johnson by the way." _

_"But you can call her Angie." The shorter girl stuck out a hand that I shook. "If you call me anything other than Ali, then you're asking for more bloodshed. But the name's Alicia Spinnet." I laughed again. _

_"I can sympathize. I hate my real first name. So I'm just Katie…er… Katie Bell." _

_"So… Do you play Quidditch?" Angie asked, sitting on one of the beds. _

_"Yeah, Chaser… but I think I'm going to go crazy if I don't play sometime this year…" I hadn't noticed that both girls' eyes had gotten wide the second I had said chaser. _

_"I've got an extra broom." Angie spoke up. "Maybe you could help me and Ali get ready… we want to try out. Everybody except Oliver Wood and Albany Crane graduated with Charlie Weasley last year…" Angie said and Ali nodded enthusiastically. I recall grinning like a maniac at the thought. _

_**End Flashback**_

It was the start of a beautiful friendship that I'll never forget… but it was also the start of my coming obsession with Charlie Weasley.

**Author's note: Well I hoped you like it. You'll hear more about Katie's coming escapades and her crazy family in the next few chapters… I love reviews, and I'd gladly love some creative ideas… **

-The lovely Sarak


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